The Ultimate Guide to PMS


To all my Ladies (and any man that is married to, dates or spends time with a woman during "THAT" time of the month,

I write you this evening to bring to your attention that while there is no "magic cure all" for the wretched symptoms (yes there are many and they are certainly real) that accompany a woman's period, but after two decades of experience and research, I have developed a guide to dealing with these symptoms with a little more grace and far less moments of bright red burning rage. 

In the photo accompanying this post, you will notice a lovely marble table adorned with an array of items that look like they may or may not have been pooped out of a fairy's butt. Some are probably unfamiliar while other's may appeal to you, but they all share one thing in common: they are here to keep you kind, stable (emotionally and otherwise), pain-free, and looking and feeling like the beautiful goddess you were meant to be every week of every month, every year. Period. 

Let's discuss each item and why you want it, starting with the Tea and continuing clockwise...

1. Turmeric and Ginger Tea (Trader Joes): You're bloated. You're a little gassy. And you probably have to poop, even though you just did. Turmeric and Ginger, both aromatic and medium spicy are fantastic aids in digestion. Both ginger and turmeric have anti-inflammatory properties. Turmeric is widely used in Ayurvedic and traditional medicines to treat inflammation. While Ginger is quite effective at relieving nausea associated with an upset stomach, Turmeric is thought to help reduce symptoms of indigestion, such as bloating and gas. Swap out your morning coffee for Ginger and Turmeric Tea during these pesky days and your body as well as many innocent bystanders to your less than discreet crop-dusting will thank you. 

2. Tasty Cocoas Hemp Extract aka CBD: Now these tasty little chocolate delights kill a few birds with one...maybe i'll choose a different metaphor for an emotionally violent time such as this. THESE GUYS DO A LOT OF THINGS! GREAT THINGS! Ok, so, you're periods about to start or maybe it's in full swing. You've got cramps that make you wonder if maybe you're actually having contractions and that perhaps the bloating you've noticed isn't just a "water baby". You are irritable and anxious and now having a full blow panic attack that you could possibly be giving birth within the next 2-7 minutes. Nothing could fix this situation, not a heating pad, forget about your daily allotment of Pamprin, NOTHING, EXCEPT...MAYBE....CHOCOLATE! Well guess what? These dark chocolates, enhanced with the pain relieving and anxiety reducing properties of CBD (the non-psychoactive ingredient in the Cannabis Plant)  just fixed that whole situation AND you got to feed your chocolate craving. Bam. oh, and they are available in THREE delicious flavors. 

3. Deep Blue Essential Oil Blend by DoTerra: This proprietary blend of Essential Oils, also available as a cream, is one of the most powerful muscle pain relieving topical agents I have ever come across. Not to be compared to Icy Hot or any of the other drug store analgesic creams or gels, this stuff is different...i mean, it actually works. Mix a couple of drops of the oil blend into a carrier oil or cream, massage it into your tender little tummy and allow yourself to experience a life where the muscles in your uterus cease to spasm and contract and you can once again be at peace with your reproductive organs. 

4. The Calming Serum and Calming Mist by Abura Skincare: Hormonal break-outs GET GONE! This highly effective blend of Essential Oils found in both the toner and serum combat breakouts from a dynamic approach. Roman Camomile helps reduce redness and inflammation. Cedarwood regulates sebum production. Lemon in anti-bacterial and rich in Vitamin C. Lavender is not only soothing but anti-microbial, as well. Blue Tansy contains Azulene, which is a very gently yet effective way to brighten skin and reduce scarring. Use the Calming Serum and Calming Mist twice daily and you will notice that your monthly flare ups have gone with the wind!

5. Marble Journal (Birchrose, Portsmouth, NH): Nothing rids your mind of seething thoughts more than letting them out! If your yoga class didn't quite do the trick (or you were in too much pain to make it) try writing them down. And when you've completed this task, write down every reason you have to be grateful for who you are and all the incredible things you do and if you haven't completely forgotten all about what was bothering you, at the very least, you will feel a little more empowered!

6. Sage Busshel with Amethyst Gem Stone (Birchrose, Porstmouth, NH): Hold this healing stone in one hand, while you smudge your self silly after writing out all your angry feelings! Be the energy you want to receive!!